The ABCs of Kissing Technique
Bottom Line Magazine

Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Cherie Byrd, a holistic psychotherapist based in Seattle. She teaches internationally, The Art and Energy of Intimacy, i.e. Kissing School, and the Spirit of Sex and has appeared on the Today show, The Early Show, NBC Evening Magazine and Fox Current Affair. She is author of Kissing School (Sasquatch). (How did you come to do the Kissing School book? How did you develop your knowledge/expertise in this field?)

I created the Kissing School Playshops six years before writing the book. Sasquatch Books saw Evening Magazine’s film of the Kissing School Playshop, heard that I was getting a lot of international media play, and asked me to write the book.

 I have studied and practiced sacred sexuality from many traditional, historical and current teachings for over 35 years, as well as explorations within my degrees in Holistic Health and East/West Psychology.


The ABCs of Kissing Technique

 Art of loving

The presence of your heart and soul are essential elements for informing a significant kiss, but if you don’t have a clue how to share these feelings with a congruent delivery it’s like having a vision for a great painting and no finesse with a brush. Frustrating. Your loving is an art form like any other, so how to create art? You can be very formulaic and “paint by number,” a practice many men prefer and most women abhor. Or you can take lessons on various techniques, but once again you’ll need to mix them up and apply them when they’re the best technique for the moment, or you’re apt to fall into the dreaded “routine”. Routine sequencing and repetition denote a lack of genuine presence, no matter how fancy the technique, a lack that blocks your chance of activating any real chemistry. My recommendation is that you learn something new whenever possible, get playful, experiment and create what works best for engendering connection and swoon.

Beloved’s choice

It’s never too early or too late to begin a conversation about what you and yours prefer in a kiss. Do you like moisture? How much? Yes, a little, not so I have to wipe off my face, and never in my ear. Oh, and no loud smacking kisses anywhere near my ears, please.Everyone has rules, and while you don’t need to rigidly follow another’s rules, you do want to love them in such a way that they can receive it with trust and a sense of being cared for. Share some feedback about what parts you and your partner most enjoyed. Build on this and keep adding to your repertoire for as long as you two shall kiss.

Conscious kissing, here and now

  • Breathe deeply and feel into your body, cultivating presence and desire

  • Begin slowly; build charge by lingering, with your senses alive

  • Look your partner in the eyes and enjoy them as you come together

  • Caress their neck, shoulders, head and draw them into you

  • Kiss tenderly and embrace, brush, or simply meet their lips, no mashing or puckering required 

  • Keep your tongue in your own mouth in the beginning

  • Take one or both of their lips in yours, savoring the connection

  • Allow yourself to both give and receive, exchanging the gift of your desire

  • Keep your body alive and allow the sensations to rush through you, head to toes

As kissing continues, use your lips and tongue to invite your beloved’s tongue to come and play. Tongues become something of a third lip, adding dimension and complexity to the kiss. Kisses, like your breath, your touch, and your connection become more fully and deeply engaged as you share your energy back and forth. The conversation of tongues becomes more expressive, teeth begin to nibble and grab, sucking of lip or tongue may ensue, and a pause of lip-locked stillness can open the moment into a rush of pure connection, engendering passion and floods of hormones. Stay tuned to what enlivens the moment, opens your hearts and leaves you with an irrepressible smile. You’ve just made art.